| Humph. |
[10 Apr 2009|01:58am] |
I'm worried about my emotions and how they take over me.
It's kind of annoying.
How do i stop self-indulging, too? i feel like that's all i've been doing lately, and now i'm a little bored with it. it's cool to remind myself that i'm an awesome person, but i want to focus on the bad in me too, so that i don't become this conceited asshole. i just don't want to be selfless to the point where it lets people walk all over me, and i don't want to be selfish to the point where people think i suck because all i care about is me. like this entry. all i've written is about me me me. how is it that i can hate myself so much over dumb little things just by something someone said? i think i just dwell too much on the wrong thing...i am overfrenzied and a little too unstable....maybe i just need to understand myself some more and stop focusing on things that shouldn't really matter. i should just go out and get drunk with everyone.
that's exactly what i'm going to do.
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| Swellish NostalgiAAW. |
[06 Apr 2009|11:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
Life is sick. the only thing eating me is how i'm gonna have enough money for the next trips i decide to take, hopefully the next one will be Chicago if i can properly pan it out with mizz Skippy<3...it'd be one hell of a road trip for such a short time [prolly like five days total to get there and back], the Moose and i are attempting to do it for my birthday. we'll see where that takes us. Nationals are soon. NATIONALS. New Mexico, folks. one road trip i don't think i'll ever forget. i'm so flipping excited. this is what my life has become. a Rainbow girl living in Babylon trying to keep moderation between what is real and unreal [haven't i always been? Neverland? no? =/]. my camera follows me wherever i go, and it does help me with school assignments, God i don't know how i do it, i must really love my education and my society life in order for me to not just dump everything and say "hey i'ma live in the forest with all the gypsies"...i've been taking advantage of my brand new car. gone already 20,500 miles and i haven't even had Arthur for one fucking year. i guess i'm not that bad, i do keep up with my oil changes and stuff. i've been hopping around Florida, been in Tally a couple times, been in Ocala twice, just came back from Asheville. dude, Asheville; i went there with absolutely no destination or knowledge of where to go or what to do, i just wanted to be in Asheville for two days...knew i'd find family there. i took family with me. Aldo, Ashley, and my dearest Ocean. (ah, Ocean. a hippie i met and fell in love with in the Ocala Gathering. he came to Miami and i realized upon harbouring him what a mistake my romance towards him was. he's 17 and has been on the road nearly all his life. Rainbow and the streets are all he knows. the hotness and talent are just NOT ENOUGH! imagine harbouring someone with little to no education on society. not to mention, no money aside from the one his sister helped him with....i felt like i took in a puppy. i got myself into a really weird experience in the past two weeks with all that, man. i'm still trying to figure out the lessons learned from it.) anyway, we were chillin in downtown Asheville as the boys played their drums trying to get people to give us change in our hat when Ocean found a fellow Rainbow, asked him what was up, and sure as hell to our surprise, there is to be a Grateful Dead Tour launching in Greensboro on April 12th. the holding camp for the tour was in a mountain, not too many kids maybe about 30 of us. Black Mountain, to be exact. we took him with us after the drum circle since he had hitched there. his name was Dare. he took us to where the holding camp was, and let me just say that those were the most phenomenal woods i've ever camped in. we were in a big fucking mountain by a creek with some Deadhead Rainbow family. the sweetest guy in the world named Kit fed me a sicknasty vegan quesadilla and the water in the creek was so cold!!..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................i could write for hours and hours.
my name is Picture out there. imagine. since Ocala, my life has been nothing but back and forth from society to Rainbow.....i dig the moderation, but part of me wants to live that crazy Anarchist way forever...as picture......but i wouldn't be picture if it weren't for my camera, i wouldn't have my camera if it weren't for babylon....so i know how unreal it is to live that life. society is great, but i can see why people hate it so much. Rainbow is great but i can see why some people actually hate it. i guess it's just the amount of spirituality that i get overwhelmed with just by being in a place like that where everything seems perfect, everyone is unified, that's what Rainbow Family is there for, anyway...unity. it's like Neverland. no worries, no cares. the drums are the sound of God o_o our God. the universe. everyone as one, 60s mentality i guess? really? God reading all this is reminding me why Skippy and Uri always call me a hippie. hehe. i love all this stuff, man. it's what makes me. but it's also what breaks me because i use it to escape and somehow i'm never fully satisfied being in one place or the other. time and money are serious and so is responsibility. school is fucking rocking and the pictures i've been taking satisfy me for the moment and i have like three years left to improve so i'm in no rush. it's just nuts how i lose myself like that. or do i really lose myself? i just get really in tune with my soul. the driving, the people, it's beautiful....i do a shitbunch of meditating, find out a lot about myself and think so much of all the people i know....
is my brother right though? in saying i need to get my head the hell out of the 60s?
i know i'm not living in the 60s, this is just me. hippies don't really even exist anymore, do they? i don't think so. the so called living proof that i'm writing about is a new generation of people who were born into that world from the old generation...or just plain old hippies that never grew out of living travel........guess you may just call it a band of gypsies. i mean shit, hippies back then were fighting and being activists to stop the war....what war are we stopping now? what activists? it's not like that anymore. it sure ain't in the woods. this is anarchy type shit i'm talking about. lol, roaddogs and gypsies and lovers of unity and followers of the Rainbow Family of Living Light. the whole message in Rainbow is to connect with everyone......yo and when those Hare Krishnas get involved in the main circle.....dancing with them is like.....like taking your mind and placing it inside a great big bucket of GOD.
i'm a little overwhelmed in trying to figure out how all this is good for me. there's definitely something more than just feeling peaceful and being high and happy. i'm trying to find more through the spirit and i'm trying to bring it into my Miami life. how can i take this into my future though? my goals? my career? it's a part of me i know i'm always going to possess, i'm just a little worried that i'm making a fool out of myself by talking about shit that most people could give a flying fuck about [cept for family, duh]. growing up is awesome. and i guess my experiences just teach me more and more about what i like and how i want to live my life and who i truly am and what my flaws are, who understands them, what my perfections are, my imperfections, my mind...MY MIND...
i seriously get off on the road. i love fucking driving. fuck the tunnel vision, i'm taking a trip. it's nuts. if Chicago works out Moose and i will be driving 12 straight hours each....SOUNDS GOOD. and then in July i'm dipping to New Mexico for the Nationals and i got two weeks to do it, maybe i'll end up all around the west coast, hopefully i can manage to stay around there until August for the Burning Man. anyway, i'm carrying on. and as for the romance, there isn't any. i don't know how the hell i'ma be able to find a guy who can keep up with me, let alone that i can keep up with. i get so bored so easily and i'm a little too picky. where the hell am i gonna find someone that likes rainbow and travel as much as i do and is just as free a spirit as i am? i would much prefer someone long distance, unless i can have them whenever i want cause that touch thing is definitely nice. i'm self-indulging, so i don't have time for men right now and i hope to God my friends don't think i've gotten to the point where i say "FUCK YOU GUYS I'M TOO BUSY FOR YOU".....i really don't think i'll ever get to that point, i think i do a pretty good job at keeping in touch for the basic stuff, which is really what matters in the end cause it's a reminder that i'm there and always will be despite my business, basic stuff can be caught up on in due time.
see what i mean by it's hard to adapt back in society? i lost my concept of what's really going on. specially here. YAY MY HOUSE IS BEING REMODELED AS I TYPE GOLLY GOLLY GOLLLYYY. OH AND MY BROTHER MOVED OUT SO NO MORE APE MAN IF I DECIDE TO BRING A RANDOM BOY OVER. WOOOO. life's rockin with my direct family, too. wtf. life is so good, do i deserve this? maybe i shouldn't jinx it.
and friends. I LOVE MY FRIENDS HOLY CRAP EVERY SINGLE ONE. every time i stop and think of the people i know/hope are going to be there for the rest of my life, the amount of people i think of always gets shorter and shorter, but it's a good thing cause i can meet more people and still hold my cherished and always remember the values i was taught through them. however the love i have for those that i consider keepers just grows more and more and makes me appreciate their existance, making me send them random ass text messages or phone calls or what have you. God, i'm a fuckin sap. lmao. I AM A VOLATILE SAP. YES. i also feel like i've written WAY TOO MUCH. but have said nothing. i'm looking for more and more moderation, man!! give me moderation!!! GIVE ME FUCKING STABILITY. fuck i miss Uri now...i'ma take advantage of this weekend and hopefully go out and do shit with him....saw Luke already today...it's good to keep in touch with people B] . oooh Travy, too. Lordy....
likezomgwtfniggabitchhoeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i want to buy a hula hoop with water in it. those are quite fun and the amount of tricks i can learn seem so intriguing. and i want fire poi. OH AND SKIPPY I HOPE YOU SEE THIS BECAUSE I MENTIONED THE CHICAGO THING AND I ALSO WANTED TO APOLOGIZE FOR SAYING SOMETHING STUPID ABOUT YOUR MUSIC ONE OF THOSE "idontthinkbeforeispeak" TIMES.
i have nothing to complain about. here's a bag of love.
fin<3
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| I'd Love To Turn You On...* |
[23 Oct 2005|12:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Waiting For Maria To Arrive <3 |
] |
| [ |
music |
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sun King - The Beatles |
] |
Liberal times.
Lack of education.
Friends. Love. Freedom. Laughter.
Life is beautiful.
( *To Be A Rock And Not To Roll* )
This journal entry has been updated for the longest time...i just made it public right now...uhh...enjoy?
Peace, Love, The End...
©©, Neece.
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| Fighting for Peace is Like Fucking for Virginity ... So Believe in it*. |
[11 Sep 2005|12:41am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 Too Full. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Change The World - Bone Thugs N Harmony |
] |
Fancy day.
Very fancy, indeed.
Kassper, Rachel, Frank, Alexandra, Travis, Cody, Chris, Meggie, Armando, Sarah, Cory.
Liz's house.
Rachel's house.
Armando's house.
Comfy times. <3
Life brings a lot of maturing.
A lot of realization.
Realization of things that had been realized before, but been ignored until things were harshly acted upon.
Big drama.
Both groups.
Why?
Why can't it all be avoided?
We can't all be friends?
We can't all treat each other the same way we treat those who we trust and love so much?
We can't forget about certain grudges that happened oh so long ago?
We can't ask ourselves:
"Will this matter a year, maybe even a month from now?"
Why can't people be free.
Free like the wind..or the trees in the jungle.
Free like birds..who care not about pity material things.
Free like the sunset on the beach on a day in late summer.
Humans can be shit.
We weren't made to be that way.
We need to all be at peace.
All of us need to be the best person we can.
To everyone.
Even if it's hard.
Even if there's grudges and bad things that have been done.
Some people don't deserve the beauty life can give us, true.
But we're all human.
We all make mistakes, don't we?
Can't we all learn from them?
Learn from our foolish mistakes that are made every single day.
It takes some people longer than others to learn from mistakes.
Hence, maturing.
If one doesn't learn from a mistake the first time it's been made, then they have not matured.
We young adults, such as all of us.
All who are reading this journal entry...
We're all beautiful people. or..have potential to be..
Everyone who seems to be a bad person has a reason for what they are.
But that doesn't mean there's no potential to be someone good.
Everyone has potential.
Everyone can be a good friend.
Which should be seen through everyone's eyes.
Things just need to be seen in an open-minded way.
Open-minded meaning seeing what things will matter a long time from when they happened.
And compare life as it is now, to the long-run.
And the life that will be lived years from now.
Who will matter?
Which friends will be the real ones that you've grown up with?
Which will be the real friends?
Which will be the new ones and the old?
Which will be remembered as bad people? (were they, really?)
Which will be the ones that really cared about you?
What about those that you're never with, but know they are always there for you?
And you, them.
Those that have their own lives going on, but in the long-run, you'll be drinking and smoking with them and enjoying the party life once in a while, just to catch up on each other's lives. and just to remember the good old times there once were before adulthood kicked in and children and jobs and bills came in.
Believe in it, and change the world.
Or else we'll lose the world that we love.
Quite the silly place to express these thoughts, huh?
EARTH DAY IS ON MARCH 20TH. :)
The End.
©©, Denise.
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| Johnny's Nuts Got Impaled By A Tree.* 0.0 LMFAO |
[26 Aug 2005|04:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Wendy <3 |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Through The Balcony - Yes |
] |
From getting kicked out of the VMAs, to yelling at my dad to close the door cause the tornado was about to blow us away....
( Some Hurricane, huh?!?!? )
Le Finito!!
©©, DeniseH
I HOPE EVERYONE AND THEIR FAMILIES ARE SAFE!!
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| Reality..* |
[21 Aug 2005|05:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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peaceful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Song is Over - The Who |
] |
These are seriously days to remember.
Take advantage of these years, these times...
Because when they end, they'll be the only times we're longing for.
( Smirnoff and Cranberry Juice )
The End.
©©, Neece.
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| Look Around*. |
[16 Aug 2005|07:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Beautiful. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Dreams - Fleetwood Mac |
] |
Fabulous days.
Growing up.
School.
( Grahm Crackers and Newports )
I'm Done.
©©, NeEceRrZZ
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| The Beat Goes On... |
[19 Jul 2005|05:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 wow |
] |
| [ |
music |
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10:15 Saturday Night - The Cure |
] |
Drums keep poundin' a rhythm to the brain.
( Dayum )
Editing photos is fun.
©©, Neece.
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| *wow, entry i never showed.* |
[14 Jul 2005|05:21am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
<3 |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Redemtion Song - Bob Marley |
] |
Listening to The Rolling Stones.
Beauty.
A hot summer's day has turned into a warm, soothing evening.
Smoke. everywhere. love is the world.
Looking out the window and seeing life.
Trees, nature, birds, children, wind, the sun, a blue sky, clouds, leaves.
He's made it all so beautiful, no?
Love is all around us.
Some people are just too stubborn to realize it.
Random thoughts?..Making sense?
Everyone should love each other.
Be a hermit.
Paint. feel good.
Having peace within yourself is wonderful.
Think. get wiser. listen to things with meaning.
Write down your thoughts.
Be creative. don't be dramatic about things.
Always look on the bright side.
Express yourself through any way possible.
Live life.
Appreciate it.
The End.
©©, Me.
You guys like?
It's from Saturday, but i had it private until now.
But i meant it.
When you feel peace within yourself it's soo...<3<3
Wow, what a...deep...entry?
Sucks that school's coming back soon. = /
Won't you help to sing...these songs of freedom?
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| ^____^ |
[04 Jul 2005|01:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Coconut. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Maxwell's Silver Hammer - The Beatles |
] |
Lick my ass.
Ladies and Gentlemen....
I'd like to proudly introduce...
Senor Schmokeh.
( WONG )
The End.
©©, Le Neece.
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| Bonfires*. |
[03 Jul 2005|03:31am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 mmeh. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Gypsy - Fleetwood Mac |
] |
This is what crazy children do when given the privilege of crossing the street.
Care to guess the names? = )
( *WHO POPPED BALLOONIE?* )
The End.
©©, Deniserrzz
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| Scattered summer...oh so good. |
[23 Jun 2005|03:53am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 my ratonsito. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Over The Hills And Far Away - Led Zeppelin |
] |
These are some jolly random times within my summer.
Which, in addition, is one of the FUNNEST summers ever.
Please keep in mind, that everything in these pictures is FRIENDLY.
NO CHEMISTRY, AT ALL, WHATSOEVER.
I suggest actually reading the caps before the pictures.
( RATED 'R'?? )
The End.
©©, Neecoes.
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| It's only Teenage Wasteland.* |
[20 Jun 2005|04:26am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
i'm tiiiiredddd. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Baba O' Riley - The Who |
] |
Alright biatches. There's a SHITLOAD...
But hey, they're rather entertaining...i must say.
No really, i made it so that there's not too much to read.
Mostly pictures.
DISNEY WORLD WAS FUCKING AWESOME.
Say WHAT??
( *.STOOP KID'S AFRAID TO LEAVE THE STOOP.* )
©, Neeceh.
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pinklili's journal
Deep In Thought...
Really Fucking SAD.
HEY PACMAN, WHAT'S UP?!?!
